Hello again! Wow, it feels like just a few days ago that I posted last week’s Sunday Letter.
Time really does go by so fast.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful week. And if you aren’t, please don’t feel pressured to have things “all figured out,” or feel like you’re doing something wrong, or like you won’t get to where you want to be. I know that, especially when it comes to the beginning of the year, people may feel pressured to get the year off “right,” or like if things aren’t great now, it’s setting them up for failure for the rest of the year. But that isn’t true at all. Every day is a new day, every moment a new one, so don’t fall into the trap of thinking otherwise. (This is as much a reminder to me as it is to others, too.)
Last week, I shared some quotes that have helped me on my Journey Inward, my healing journey, my Journey Home (‘Home’ being myself). This week, I wanted to share some of the people whose work has helped me tremendously — from the start of my journey in 2018, to the “middle” (I put that in quotes because this journey never truly ends, so in a way, I’m “still” in the “middle” of it), to now. Some of these beautiful humans — most of whom create work as therapists, psychologists, life coaches, writers, artists, and business owners — I no longer feel as strong a resonance with as I did years ago, because I am now in a different season of my life, but their work was hugely impactful for me, and helped be become who I am today. Others, I still feel a strong connection with.
(I’ve listed these beautiful souls in no particular order, just who came to mind first.)
Recovering Overthinker (David).
Of course, as helpful as other people can be for us and our growth, others can only do so much for us. If we are not willing to take accountability for our actions, our decisions — both the ones that we are proud of and the ones that bring us shame and guilt, if we choose not to be honest with ourselves and instead hide behind and in addictions, behavioral patterns, and mental patterns that keep us trapped in the same place we’ve been in, then we will never learn, and we will never grow.
It’s really frustrating — being in a cycle or loop that seemingly never ends, to be stuck in the same pattern day after day, year after year. It can feel hopeless, and absolutely draining, but I’ve found that what helps the most is being honest with yourself. And, in turn, with others.
It’s scary as shit to own up to the things we’ve done and who we truly are, especially when doing so could risk us losing those closest to us (or just people in general), but we do have a choice: to stay in the current place we’re in (physical, mental, or emotional place) and [probably] suffer in silence and hide behind the veil of addictions to various things (external achievement, overspending, gambling, excessive alcohol consumption, mindless social media use [I’m guilty of this], etc.) — or change, and possibly lose certain people in our lives (or lose the perception they have of us), and feel more whole in ourselves. (Last week, I told my immediate family and my brother- and sister-in-law — all of whom are Catholic, save for my sister-in-law — that I’m no longer Catholic; it was a rollercoaster of fear, anxiety, and nerves, but I’m really glad that I did it. I’ll write a post about that soon.)
We all have choices that we can make. All come with consequences, some of which may be painful, and we may hurt or disappoint others, but what is more painful for you: living your life solely for others and feeling hollow within, or living according to what your heart truly desires and allowing your light to shine through, undoubtedly calling in people who truly align with you?
At this point in my life, I’d rather be loved for who I truly am, than loved for someone I’m pretending to be — because if people love the latter, they don’t truly love me. They love the person — the mask, the illusion — that I am presenting to the world. And in the end, I’d just end up hating myself, feeling like I would never be enough, and feeling the void inside me grow deeper and deeper each day (this was me for most of my life).
If you’re on this path, on this journey, and find yourself struggling with making a choice between what your heart longs for and what you feel obligated to by your family, your friends, your peers, society, and/or just what your fears tell you to do — you’re not alone. You’ve got this. I truly do believe — and have felt this time and time again — that we already know what to do. We each have within us an Inner Knowing — call it our soul, our intuition, our heart — that always speaks to us. In whispers, in nudges, in felt sensations in the body. We just need to allow ourselves to open up to it, trust in that voice and in ourselves, and take the leap.
It’ll be scary, but it’ll be worth it.
You are worth it.
—
Sending you all my love,
Christina
Jonna Jinton’s newest video - Daily life in a Frozen Land.
Beautiful & calming music - Shores of Atlantis.
Incense. I’d been feeling called to use incense more in my daily life to help ground me, and I bought these ones about a month ago. They have quickly become my favorite. I haven’t used every kind yet — just Lotus, Sandalwood, Gardenia, and Floral Goddess — but I will definitely be getting these again and again in the future. They smell amazing, and are so grounding and purifying.
Why do you stay in prison, when the door is so wide open?
Mean Girls and Miss Congeniality. I loved these movies when I was younger —and still do. Thank you YouTube for having them online for free; it was so nice to watch them again after all these years!