“Do what you can in the season you’re in.” This quote, by Angi Fletcher, is one that I’ve been repeating to myself often over this past year. I’ve been calling in and hoping for massive change in my life, but there are a lot of pieces that feel out of my control. Initially, I just got angry. I felt frustrated, trapped, helpless, and bound. I felt like my hands were tied. I felt extremely overwhelmed by all the things I felt I was forced to do or had to do, and by all the things I wished more than anything I could actually be a part of instead.
I was deeply unhappy, but I wore my mask of “doing well'“ as best I could.
Until I couldn’t anymore.
I’m beginning to feel better now, bit by bit, day by day. I’m not quite where I want to be yet, but I know I’ll get there very soon.
The quote above is what always helped me along the rough road. Doing what I could in the season I was in, or in the moment I was in, or the day, or the week. Rather than solely being angry with my circumstances, or grieving where I was and where I wasn’t — which I did a lot initially — I shifted my focus to the things I could control (as I write about in the caption of this reel).
I made that two days ago. I really love it. The message, the photo of the white flowers behind the text, the song, even the color of the text background. It took a lot longer to make than I had anticipated, though. Once I had written the message in the reel and the one in the caption, I figured the parts that would take the longest was done. After all, I just had to copy the messages from my Notes app and paste them onto the photo of the flowers and in my caption, adjust the color of the text and/or text background, choose a song, then post it. Done.
I was wrong.
IG decided to glitch on me. For over an hour. I had created the reel, but I couldn’t post it. Whenever I tried to, I would get a small message: ‘Processing…’ I had never had this issue before. No!!!! I shouted internally after re-making my reel and trying to post it for the fifth (maybe more) time. I sought help from Google, which told me that the issue might be that IG’s cache might need to be cleared. So I did that. When that didn’t work, other sites told me that I could uninstall and then reinstall IG, and that that should solve the issue. I did that twice — no luck. I checked to see if IG was having any issues with their servers and was down — as happens on occasion. It seemed like some users were reporting issues, so I decided to wait. After a short while, I noticed that people I followed on IG were posting reels. What! I thought. If it works for them, then it should work for me. But, alas, it still did not. By this point I had gotten past the point of being angry. I was frustrated, exasperated, impatient, and felt a little hopeless and like it wouldn’t work. (I felt like the painter in this scene from Hercules).
But I refused to give up.
Rather than continuing to sit and dwell in all of those emotions as I waited for IG to start working again, I decided to do something that would move me forward: fold my clothes. I had gotten them out of the dryer earlier that morning, so I shifted my focus onto them and off of IG. In that moment, I chose to control what I could. I did what I could in the “season” I was in.
(IG continued to glitch on me even after I was able to get past the ‘Processing…’ notification; for a while, the background color of the text in my reel wouldn’t show up when it was posted, only as I was in the process of creating it. Extremely confusing and frustrating — but I persisted.)
As I sit here at my desk, listening to this music from one of my favorite shows when I was younger, thoughts of where I was just a couple of years ago — and even just last year — compared to where I am now, and who I am now, both amazes and humbles me. I don’t often pause and think about how far I’ve come, but when I do, I really am so thankful to my younger selves for all they did. As I’m so thankful to myself, too. I’m really proud of myself. As I feel into all of that, and into who I was and who I have become, I feel powerful, and grateful, and rooted, and expansive, and humbled. And sure. Sure of my Self.
I will be on an airplane to an island in exactly one week! As the trip gets closer, I can feel the excitement in me building. And the immense gratitude for it all. It’s been a year or so since I last walked on a beach, since I last felt the cool and refreshing ocean waves wash over my feet. The ocean cleanses my soul, so much. It is healing. One thing I’m so excited for is watching a sunset on the beach. I’ve only ever seen it in movies or TV shows, so I’m really, really excited to see it in person. I’ll probably cry.
As we’re coming into the last week of July, I hope you remember just how lovely you are, how valuable and how worthy you are, regardless of where you may have hoped you’d be or what you hoped you would have achieved by the end of this month. Everyday is a new day, every moment one that you haven’t yet experienced — and it is all here for you.
I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Take care of yourself. You deserve it.
All my love,
Christina
This quote by Martha Graham: “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy...that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist... The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open.”
Throat chakra healing sound frequency.
‘Dreams of Panama’ by Skinshape. What a delightful and peaceful song.
‘Tennessee Whiskey’ by Chris Stapleton. I would love to dance with my future love to this song. Maybe even play it during our wedding reception. Hi future husband, it’s me, your love. I can’t wait to dance to this song with you.