Traveling
Sunday Letter #17
I love traveling. Especially abroad. A few days ago, my Dad came back from his business trip overseas. He was telling my mom and I about his time in the different countries he stayed in, and it reminded me of my time abroad.
Ever since I was a child, I have loved going to different countries. I think my first time on a plane was when I was three years old, on my way to Taiwan from the US (my family and I moved there after the company my dad worked for a t the time transferred him there). In my 31 years of life, I’ve been fortunate enough to have been to seven countries (technically ten, though I hardly have any memories from two of them, and another country I only briefly visited for a few hours on a cruise stop). I love going to airports and being on planes, and, of course, experiencing the new country that I’m in. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the tastes - everything. Most of all, I love feeling connected to people. The feeling that, though we are different from one another, we are not separate; we are all connected.
Looking back now on my travels in the past, it’s interesting to me how my feelings toward traveling have changed. Just nine years ago, when I was in college and was studying abroad in Morocco, I was in a completely different mindset when it came to exploring the world. Traveling to different countries, for me, was a chance to discover myself, to find out who I was, and to figure out who I could be. I wanted to go on adventures and find myself along the way. At the root of it all, was my own confusion about who I was, about what my life would be like, and ultimately a sense of being adrift and feeling dissatisfied with myself. I was like a boat that was unanchored out at sea, swaying with the waves, going this way and that, completely surrendered to where ever the ocean took me. Traveling, then, felt exciting in a I’m-going-to-discover-who-I-am-and-uncover-new-parts-of-me type of way, along with connecting with others and experiencing different ways of life, trying new foods and drinks, seeing different places, and more.
Now though, I feel quite differently about all of that. Well, I still would like to connect with people, to learn about and experience different ways of life, to try new foods and drinks, to explore new places, and more - but I no longer feel adrift. Now — though I have been uncovering deeper parts of myself almost every day over these past few years — I feel settled. When I think of how I feel, I see in my mind the ocean floor. There’s a sudden commotion, a flurry of fish swimming around and hitting the sand, thrashing about in it, then swimming away, all in different directions. Then, slowly but surely, the sand falls back to the ocean floor, and all is calm again.
That’s how I feel now compared to how I felt nine years ago. Actually — just younger me in general. I’m much more grounded now in who I am, more certain of my abilities, and more connected to myself. Sure, there are still things I’m “working on” and building towards, both internally and externally, but there’s no longer that feeling of hating myself, of being utterly confused about who I am, and just feeling lost within myself, in the the world, and in Life.
It’s been several years since I’ve traveled overseas, and I might get the chance to do it again soon. I’m excited. Not sure if it’s 100% going to happen, so not too excited, but still a little excited. It’ll be interesting to see how I feel being abroad now. If I do end up going, I’ll definitely share about my time there.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.
All my love,
Christina
This hilarious reel. 😂 Her (Jordynn Lurie) other Voldemort reels are equally as hilarious! Also — she reminded me of my past dream to learn salsa dancing and take salsa classes. And how I had been teaching myself belly dancing last year (but have since stopped). I am now thinking about starting lessons in at least one of those dances…
My morning walks. The sun on my skin, the light, cool morning breeze, the birds chirping and singing away. The feel of my feet on the pavement, and my connection to my breath - something I often overlook (I catch myself holding my day multiple times throughout the day, everyday).
This enchanting album. I don’t understand Portuguese, but I can feel the music, rhythm, and movement flow through me.
This American robin I came across on my walk the other day.
So many other things captivated me this week, many of them internal things - like a deeper awareness of my own patterns and cycles I’ve been “stuck” in and have let be in the driver’s seat of my Self and life, and choosing to move forward. Some of these things include me releasing sadness from a past romantic connection that didn’t come to fruition, choosing to remain in my body and not distract myself when I felt uncomfortable emotions come up, and realizing that no matter what happens, I still have me. No matter what happens, I still have me. That is my newest mantra.